Today is one of those days I guess some people would call a “pity party,” but it’s really not. Trust me, I’ve had my share of those and had to claw my way back up into a “positive” attitude. That’s something way easier said than done. No, today, well, today I’m angry! I keep thinking about how different my life would be had I not been broken so badly. All you have to do is read my “about me” page to get the details of my demise.
I understand that there are many“physically challenged” people and for many different reasons, and I also know that they face their challenges head on with great success. But I have to wonder if it is more difficult to overcome and accept your disability if it happened later in life compared to being born with it and knowing nothing different?
Mine was later in life, and not a day goes by that I don’t remember what I was like before becoming disabled and I so desperately wish I could turn back time to be that person again. But sadly, I know that can never happen. Well, at least I don’t think it can, not without some kick-ass miracle that is. And I’m thinking that miracles like that never happen, do they? Ya, I’m heading up shit’s creek without a paddle, that’s for sure. Oh, and that false statement, you know the one, the one where Jesus says all you have to do is; “Ask and you shall receive,” ya, that one’s a bunch of hogwash. I’ve tried it many times only to be severely disappointed.
I just had my 8th and 9th surgeries since 2011 and my recovery is slow, frustrating and extremely, painful. There are so many things that I can’t do anymore, it’s like a horrible nightmare that just won’t go away. I’d like to figure out a way to get paid to write because that’s about the only thing I can do right now, but I have no idea how to accomplish that. I know how to write copy and I also have some short stories and book ideas I know I could write without any trouble. But then what do I do with them?
I used to be so physically active. I taught dancing part-time, I worked out, I went hiking and kayaking, and now I’m lucky if I can walk forty feet. I can’t believe how much my life has changed in five years and today I’m a very angry bird about it. I just want to hit something and scream; “why me, what the hell did I do to deserve this?” Maybe by writing this post, I can release some of that hostile, anger and hope something great will come of it. Today, positivity eludes me (is that even a word . . .positivity?) Anyway, listen up my friends; Don’t ever take anything in your life for granted because you never know what you have . . . until it’s gone!
Until next time, may peace, light and love surround you always. “The Original Domestic God!”
P.S. Does anyone out there want to hire me to write for them . . . do you know anyone who might hire me?