The APP story . . . the “Appiest Man in the World”

As I approached the run down, crooked, house, my heart began to pound so loudly that I thought it was going to burst from my chest. Slowly, I tip-toed up the rickety, old, stairs and reluctantly opened the splintered, worn, door. Cautiously, I stepped in and placed my hand on the wall to the right of me. I searched for a light switch and after a brief moment found the elusive switch and flipped it on.

The lights came to life, but not without a “Flickr.” Everything in the house was blanketed with dust and cobwebs. Carefully, I pushed my way forward when suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I saw an ominous, dark, shadow, quickly approaching me from the left. This thing was enormous, it was the size of an “Amazon.” My body began to “Twitter” and I ran as fast as I could. Entering the kitchen, I spotted a half empty, bottle of whiskey on the counter. Without hesitation or remotely thinking about it, I grabbed a crusty, old, “Tumblr” and poured myself a much needed shot.

The dilapidated house had once belonged to a fierce and worldly treasure hunter who the locals referred to as “Mozilla,” the Pirate. The local legend is that; “Mozilla” went on a “Safari” and was never heard from again. That was more than fifty years ago and now, in his house, I’m determined to find the riches buried here and nothing can stop me.

From the uneasy silence, I heard soft, yet pretty, music coming from directly above me. Boy was I surprised when I looked up and saw a birdcage hanging from the ceiling Perched inside it was a green and blue parrot “Tweeting” a beautiful song. “How could this be, someone must be taking care of this bird, but who?”

Just as I was about to move, the beautiful singing was replaced by a haunting giggling. I looked up quickly and couldn’t believe my eyes. The parrot and the cage were both gone! “I know you’re a ghost and I’m not scared of you!” I frantically yelled into the emptiness. The haunting giggling changed again, but this time it was “Googling” at me.

Luckily for me, I had grabbed a half burned candle in a candle holder off the kitchen counter because without warning, all the lights in the house went dark. I was plagued with fear so I lit the candle as quickly as I could. Through the dancing flames of light, I noticed a few envelopes lying on the counter near the sink.

A loud crash startled me and I dropped the candle directly on the envelope, igniting it like a torch. I spastically grabbed the burning papers running for the sink yelling “Hot Mail, Hot Mail!” I extinguished the fire, turned to run, and suddenly realized that my arms were stuck and “Linkedin” to a wall of sticky, gelatinous, cobwebs.

I struggled with the paranormal cobwebs for a few seconds and finally broke free. As I ran back through the kitchen, I heard a voice scream; “You must leave now!” “Who said that?” I yelled back trying to hide my fear and my knocking knees. Something made me look in the sink and I almost fainted when I saw the partially toasted envelope speaking to me. “Gee Mail, who are you?” I screamed out like a little girl. A light finally went off in my head; “BING!”

I had just opened my mouth to say something when out of nowhere, I saw a face . . . a horribly, terrifying face. I watched as it floated into a moldy, dusty, book teetering on the edge of a broken shelf. I gently put the candle down and with my hands shaking like a bowl of jello, picked up the book.

It was a book about faces . . . It was a “Facebook”! The face in the book appeared again, but this time it was less terrifying, almost melancholy. Staring me in the eyes, it softly, but firmly, said; “The treasure which you seek is in the book with the empty cigar tubes!”

I turned to my left and immediately “Stumbled upon” the book with the empty cigar tubes in it. I feverishly opened it not knowing what to expect. The tubes magically came to life and in perfect unison and with majestically deep voices, sang; “Congratulations, you now must be shown. how The treasure you seek is under my throne, but to call it your own, you must first play the bones.”


“You Tubes” are awesome!” I screamed out. Now all I have to do is figure out what play the bones . . . “I’ve got it; I know what I have to do!” I shouted as I ran into the living room. “The bones mean I have to play this old, antique, harpsichord” Nervously, I placed my trembling fingers on what I hoped were the right keys and played the only chord I knew.

Like magic, the floor began to rumble and a wall in the living room opened up exposing a monstrous, hidden vault made of “chrome” that was filled with more gold, silver and jewels than I had ever seen in my entire life. I spastically, grabbed, for it quickly and put as much as I could carry in my pockets.

I played the bones one more time and the wall closed as if nothing was ever there. The secret was mine and only mine. I ran for the door and at the top of my lungs, kept joyfully shouting; “Yahoo, Yahoo, Yahoo!” Out the door I raced like a madman, only looking back to say thank you and announce that I’d be back again tomorrow. I was now the App-iest and wealthiest man in the Universe.

© 04/2016

All rights reserved.



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