“My Christmas Wish List”
“Bah Fu***n Hum Bug!”
As we get older, our needs, wants and desires change to reflect the physical and emotional changes taking place within our own selves. The same can also be said about the gifts we request or desire at “Christmas” time too. Personally, I have never been a big fan of “Christmas” and it’s probably my least favorite holiday out of all of them . . . even Valentine’s Day. Maybe I should rephrase the statement I made about Christmas to better clarify how I truly feel. “I hate Christmas!” Yup, that sums it up pretty well.
“Christmas” is nothing more than an unnatural act of materialistic conquests fueled by greed, shallowness and violence. Think I’m wrong? On “Black Friday,” how many materialistic, idiots, were waiting outside stores and malls in lines hundreds deep just so they could charge in like a stampede of morons so little Billy or little Sally could get that thousand dollar present mommy and daddy promised them? Better still, how many Holiday (and I use that term very loosely) shoppers were arrested for committing assault and battery over an item that sixty people wanted, but the store only had three of on the shelf? I mean, I know I despise “Christmas,” so correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t it supposed to be about “goodwill towards men (and women) in conjunction with peace on Earth.” Please excuse me while I try to stop laughing.
Even when I was a little kid, I never acted like some whiny, spoiled, brat, demanding certain gifts or throwing a hissy fit if I didn’t get what I had asked for. Of course I wrote letters to “Santa Claus” telling him what I wanted for “Christmas,” but again, I never freaked out if I didn’t get it. “Christmas” was more about spending time with family and friends, decorating the tree and singing Christmas songs than it was about how many gifts you got and how expensive they were. And of course there is the “real, actual,” reason for celebrating Christmas . . . It is to celebrate the birth of “Jesus Christ.” Well, at least that’s what we were taught in church and religious education classes.
But even the story of the birth of Jesus is steeped in half-truths and misconceptions. It’s common knowledge among scholars that Jesus was not born in the winter or on December 25, but more like sometime in the summer during the month of July. Somehow, someway . . . the birth of Jesus was changed so it would coincide with the Pagan holiday and the winter solstice. Why? Who knows, maybe a heavenly being clued them in on the future of “Black Friday?” Anyhow, back to the materialistic Christmas . . . My disdain for Christmas began when I was about twelve years old after my father died from an inoperable brain tumor in November right before “Thanksgiving.” He was only forty two years old and Christmas that year was extremely bleak and emotionally depressing. Obviously, I was at that age when I no longer believed in Santa Claus and the only thing I wanted and asked for that Christmas was to have my Dad back. Well, that never happened, so you see, Christmas wishes don’t come true and Christmas miracles don’t happen . . . ever!
I keep hearing about some sort of Christmas Spirit thingy and I believe I vaguely remember what it is or feels like. The good news is that in today’s society, the true Spirit of Christmas can be bought from a store or a catalog. If my family has called me “The Grinch” once, they’ve called me it a thousand times. Look, I get it, ha, ha, ha . . . freaking hysterical . . . not! It’s old and worn out. Time for some new material. Hey, if you want me to believe in all that Christmas bull crap, then this year you’ll find a way to deliver all the things on my Christmas wish list. I know, I know, I have a really bad attitude about Christmas, but quite frankly . . . I don’t care! You see, regret, pain and misfortune have a mighty strange way of stomping on your spirit until it crushes it to death. So, where are those “Christmas” miracles I need so desperately? Just as I suspected . . . they don’t exist . . . they never did . . . and they never will!
Even so, up until this year, I still (with the help of my family) decorated the inside and outside of my house at Christmas time because my children (all grown now) and my grandchildren really enjoyed it. When my kids were young, I couldn’t disappoint them. Now, with my grandchildren, well, I can’t disappoint them either, no matter what my true feelings about Christmas are. Personally, a great deal has changed for us over the last few years and none of it has been joyful or easy. This last year has been particularly devastating for us to say the least. It appears as though the only Christmas decorating this year will be inside the house. I would be lying through my teeth if I told you that I was disappointed about it, because I’m not! We’ll get a Christmas tree as we do every year (usually it’s a big, full, tree) but you won’t find me decorating it, I’d rather watch my grass grow.
Oh, and for the record, just because I hate Christmas does not make me a bad, emotionless, unfeeling, person. I love Thanksgiving and The Fourth of July and I totally get psyched up for both of them. As usual, “Christmas” will come again this year and as usual everyone will be running around, freaking out, agonizing over what to get this person or that person, complaining about how broke they are. In my eyes, Christmas is for the children and even at that, they should not be spoiled rotten. If you need to clean out “Toys R Us” to prove to your children you love them, then you shouldn’t have children. And just like every year, when I am asked what I want for Christmas, my response will be; “What I want for Christmas can’t and won’t be found under a tree.”
The odd thing about the top two wishes on my “Christmas list,” are; they are not directly for me alone, but for the sake of others too. I hope you’re reading this “Santa” because it’s about time you actually brought me what I’ve asked for. So here it is;
- Please help doctors and researchers find an immediate cure for “Alzheimer’s disease” because it’s robbing me of someone I love very, very, much. Someone way, way, too young to have to experience that kind of cruelty. She was diagnosed at fifty one years old for god’s sake. Someone who shared the same dreams as me of what we were going to do after we retired. Unless an immediate cure is found, those dreams are null and void, gone Without that cure, well, my life might as well be over too. There’s no joy, fun, excitement or freedom being a “Caregiver.” There’s only years of pain, frustration, extreme stress and imprisonment. Santa, without that cure or miracle, our fates have been sealed. You see, many years from now when my special someone is freed from those torturous chains of “Alzheimer’s,” I’ll be too old to enjoy what remains of my life. Without that cure, I might as well end my life now. After all, this isn’t living . . . it’s just not dying.
- Santa, isn’t it about time you brought the world an end to terrorism, the Illuminati and the satanic individuals who attempt to run and destroy the Earth? You know who they are and so do millions of other people around the globe who are finally waking up every day with the fog lifted from their brainwashed minds allowing them to see who the real criminals of the world It’s been a long, long, time since we’ve had it Santa, so please bring peace to all living things on our beautiful home called Earth!
- Alright “Santa,” next on my list; Remember back in March of 2011 when I became disabled after having to undergo sixteen hours of surgery to fix my fractured neck? Of course you do! So then, you must also remember that over the next three years I had to suffer through five additional surgeries to repair my broken back which also happened at the same time I fractured my neck? Let me tell you, having to learn to walk again as well as dress and feed myself was a stellar present I’ll always remember. Oh, we mustn’t forget the two blood clots, the excruciating physical therapy and the staph infection that almost killed me. I was lucky to find them in my stocking that was so thoughtful of you. Do you think that maybe this year you could bring me a way to be “pain free?” I’d seriously appreciate it!
- So while I’m on a roll “Santa,” could you possibly help me get my “Copywriting” business “Chameleon Direct Marketing and Copy” off the ground? If you could bring me some well-paying clients, I’d greatly appreciate it. Santa, If it isn’t bad enough that I’m physically and emotionally scarred from everything we’ve had to go through, I am financially ruined. Yes, it was a great idea when I decided to take online classes in copywriting and SEO in order to open a small business so I could work from home, make a little extra cash and. at the same time, I could take care of my wife who had to retire after being diagnosed with “Alzheimer’s” as well as take care of myself. I’m still healing and being physically disabled is challenging enough without having to take care of another person too. “Santa,” I am sick and tired of being broke and I never imagined that either one of our lives life would turn out this way . . . ever! But it has and all I’m asking for is a chance to make my “copywriting” business work . . . please!
- Alright, Santa; please help me find something that’s been missing from my life for so long. Please help me find “The Christmas Spirit” I know that I might be a lost cause, but could it be possible that receiving one special gift could fill that dark void inside of me? I want to remember, I really do, but happiness and joy are in extremely short supply at my house. I can’t understand what we’ve done wrong to manifest such awful things in our lives . . . to add insult to injury, the transmission in our only car just bit the dust and we don’t have an extra twenty five hundred dollars to get it replaced. “Christmas Spirit?” Seriously? “Bah Humbug!”
- One last thing “Santa;” would you please deliver a “Christmas Miracle” to me and my family. It’s amazing how so many people are quick to tell me that; “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle,” but between you and me, I think that’s a load of crap. Faith, like my Christmas Spirit, has been erased from the chalkboard inside my head and the word “believe” has been turned to dust with it. So Santa, could you please reach inside your bag of goodies and find that miracle I am so desperately wishing for or are you going to screw me over again like you do every year?
And soon the holiday season will be over and a “New Year” will have begun, and me? Well, I’ll probably lose my house, my wife will continue to deteriorate and the physical and mental stress placed upon me will wreak havoc on my health. I’ll never see another fun vacation ever again, but yet, I’ll be able to see all my friends and family plan and go on theirs. What I would give to get away from it all, even for a few days. Well “Santa,” there it is, my “Christmas Wish” list, do you think you can handle it? There’s some heavy-duty stuff on it, but listen, I have a fantastic idea. I challenge you to make me a believer in “Christmas and Miracles.” Make me a believer that God really does exist and that Miracles really can happen.
- R. S.
Hey Santa, if you get a chance, come visit me at www.chameleondirectmarketingandcopy.com or how about www.iamperfectlychangedandawesome.com or maybe even www.jamesrsirois.com I’d love to have you visit and stay for a while.