“Christopher Columbus Discovered What? Hahahahaha!”

Tomorrow is “Columbus Day” in the United States and for many people it means having an extra day off and a long weekend. It’s a great time to drive up north to the mountains and experience the magnificent beauty that the Fall foliage offers with its scarlet red, golden yellow, burnt orange and dark, rich, purple leaves melded together like a brilliant painting. However, for the life of me I can’t understand why the hell we celebrate Christopher Columbus and “Columbus Day?” 

From the time we enter school, we were all taught that Columbus discovered “America.”  And we all fell for it! What a bunch of dumb-asses we are! I can still hear my teacher at the front of the class saying; “In 1492 Columbus sailed the ocean blue.” Ya, sure he sailed the ocean blue, but he never stepped foot on North American soil. Yes, he made it to the tropical paradise of the Caribbean and brought with him many awesome things like small pox, death, plundering and pillaging, but he “Never” discovered “America!” 

So let’s set history straight right now, America had already been discovered and settled by the Minoans, Egyptians and Native Americans hundreds and hundreds of years before Columb-ass was even born. It’s really insulting to the “Native American” people not to change the history books and correct the gross mistake. My Grandmother was part “Abernaki” Indian so that means my ancestors have been here in “America” for many, many, lifetimes. Way before Columbus got anywhere near here.

Maybe it’s time we change the holiday called “Columbus Day” to something more appropriate and historically accurate like, I don’t know, maybe . . . “Native American Day!” So Columbus Day is really just another day of the week, an excuse to have a day off from work based on a lie. If we’re going to celebrate the discovery of America, maybe it’s time to celebrate it for the right reasons and not because we were brainwashed as children to believe a lie.


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