The Accidental Rupturization

THE ACCIDENTAL RUPTURIZATION

The last few weeks of my life can only be described as; “When it rains, it pours-Go Big Or Go Home-I Hate The World, Please Stop It And Let Me Get Off!” And if one more person says to me; “Things could be worse you know!” I am going to rip their heads off, stick it so far up their butts that they’ll be able to taste their tonsils. Was that too harsh? I suppose the icing on the cake is the fact that I do not believe in “hope, faith, miracles or anything good” anymore. The time has come for me to possibly swap teams and move over to “The Dark Side.”

Now, if you’re wondering if this is a ginormous pity party . . . It is . . . and I deserve to have one! If you’ve read my story, you know that I suffered a devastating spinal cord injury which required 8 surgeries and also left me disabled. I lost the ability to do so many things that I loved to do. I spent the entire last winter (The snowiest and coldest on record) locked away in my house like a hermit all in the name of protecting my neck, back and, well . . .body. So what happens?

They say that most accidents happen either close to home or at home. Well, I’m here to tell you . . . It’s true! So for starters, someone in my family accidentally put a broken kitchen chair back at our table. Guess who found it? Yup, you guessed right, it was me! I sat down on the chair and within a tenth of a second I was on the floor, falling straight down and landing on my lower back, hitting my head on the wall. At the time, I had a bowl of salad in my hand, but when I fell, I fell so hard that my salad ended up on the ceiling and the walls . . .

My daughter came racing over to me and we were laughing so hard that neither of us could do anything. So, to make a long story short . . . the part of my spine that hadn’t been operated on literally shattered. I will be going through surgeries 9 and 10 in about 8 weeks. But the fun didn’t stop there, no, no, no . . . My computer died (That’s why I haven’t written lately) and I didn’t have the cash to buy a “new” one so I had to buy a used refurbished one. My wife was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, she’s only 54 and she’s probably going to have to retire, My car is a piece of junk and I don’t have the cash to buy a new one, I so desperately need a vacation, but what? That’s right . . .  “No Cash!”  There’s a whole lot more to, but I’m going to stop here.

If one more person says to me; “Things will get better, you’ll see.” I am going to pummel them into the ground and stomp on them. Things aren’t going to get better, that’s a huge pile of Bull Sh . .feces. I am so sick of hearing how great everyone’s life is and the vacations they’re going on and the new cars they’re buying, blah, blah, blah, blah . . .

I have decided to give myself over to the dark side since the good side just hasn’t been working for me, but I’m not sure how to do that. Anybody out there know how? What do I need to do . . . dance naked around a tree, say some ritual words and crush a bug? . . . . Anybody? It’s my turn for good things and I don’t care what I have to do to get them . . .  Stop the world and let me jump off . . . NOW!

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