My duties as the Original Domestic God may always be morphing, but my goal to keep a functioning, controlled chaos, home, running somewhat smoothly still remains the same as it was before. And so today, together with my friends Mr. Clean, Magic Eraser and Lemon Lysol, we began our tour of duty in the ever popular mess hall and commenced expeditiously through the house until we convened and finished up on the poop deck! With that battle behind me, it was time to engage the diverse, hungry and impatient masses at the grocery store. The time had come for me to unveil my new alter ego which I had been strenuously training for. Everyone give a nice warm welcome to . . . The Coupon King!
Yes, it’s true, I was now the star player in the Grocery Bowl and there was no turning back. I was armed and ready! I had cut and snipped until my fingers bled from paper cuts and I practiced night and day until I brilliantly mastered the moves of a shopping ninja. I raced through that store like a determined, stealth, warrior on a search and recovery mission and I may have inadvertently frightened poor little innocent children with my game face. Mothers grabbed their children and ran for cover while fathers tried to best me. My burning desire to retrieve coupon items became so intense that every time I scored another food, paper or cleaning product from the unsuspecting shelf, I screamed out; “I have a coupon for this!” I was almost at the end and I could see my final hurdle . . . The dreaded cash registers!
It took every ounce of courage I had to stand in that pathetically slow moving, over- crowded line of opponents, but I persevered and played the game right up to its final seconds. It was my turn now and when the cashier gave me my final total, I said; “Check this out!” and I whipped out my . . . COUPONS! She almost passed out from looking at the size of my . . . stack of coupons, but she handled it quite professionally. And when the Grocery Bowl was over, I had saved $63.82, Victory was mine and I wallowed in it! With my chest puffed out like a rooster, I sauntered back to my car with a new type of swagger. I Am the Coupon King !