If you enjoy cooking as much as I do, you’re always searching for or coming up with new and fascinating culinary achievements to keep mealtime super exciting. O K, so maybe I overstated that, how about, cooking something different to prevent mealtime from being as painful as having a nail hammered through your forehead. Of course, this first means coming up with a brilliant “Idea!”
If I must say so myself, most of my new ideas are pretty good and deliciously edible (Can you here me patting myself on the back just a little bit?) However . . . and this is a big however . . . sometimes the results were so disastrous that the end product came out looking like roadkill and tasting like sh . . crap, so totally and completely inedible that my dog and cats wouldn’t even eat it.
Yes, I have had my share of “those that which I shall not name,” but just for expletives and giggles, I will enlighten you with one of my horrendous creation “Ideas” that at the time seemed to make sense, but for obvious reasons was an epic fail. I will also share a cooking horror story that thankfully I cannot take ownership of, but still makes me belly laugh when I think of it.
In return, I hope you’ll share some of your best cooking calamities and “not so great Ideas“ with me so I can laugh with you . . . not at you! Ready? Here goes . . .
What Can You Do With A Can Of Tuna?
Well, you can do many things with a can of tuna. You can make a sandwich, put it on crackers, make a casserole, oh . . . and then there was my brilliant idea . . .Why not make delicious, delectable, groundbreaking . . . “Tuna Pancakes!” Ya, I know . . . gross! Now, when I say pancake, I don’t mean like with batter and maple syrup, that’s just plain disgusting! Although, the more I think of it, maybe I should have gone with the batter and syrup!
I figured; if I took a can of tuna, mixed it with an egg, breadcrumbs, garlic powder. onion powder and Worcestershire sauce I could then make cute little patties out of that slop and fry it in vegetable oil. Then came that first, anticipated, bite. That was quickly followed by my gag reflex sending it hurdling into the atmosphere like a flying fish onto a boat. Maybe it was just me, maybe my taste buds were on strike, I needed another victim . . .er, taste tester. “Honey, can you come here and taste these, I think you’ll like them?”
Her reaction was even worse than mine . . . that pretty much sealed the deal . . .”Tuna Pancakes Would Never Be On The Menu Ever Again!” As a matter of fact, every now and then that glorious aftertaste still pays my taste buds a visit to remind me of how far my coking skills have evolved. For the better of course!
Oh Such A Clean Turkey!
To protect the innocent, names have been changed, but the story is so damn funny! Yes, this is a family member, so I’ll be nice . . . sort of. Imagine being young, newly married and cooking a turkey dinner for the first time. You call another family member to ask for instructions about preparing the turkey for roasting in the oven.
The young family member is told by the elder family member to take the turkey out of the plastic wrapping and wash it off before putting it in the pan. Several hours later the young family member calls the elder member sobbing like she just found out Menudo broke up. “What’s the matter?” asks the elder family member. “It’s awful, I don’t know what’s wrong with the turkey, there’s bubbles coming out of it everywhere!” states the young one. It seems that the younger family member took the elders washing instructions too literally and cleaned that poor turkey- cavity and all with . . . DISH SOAP!
And just like something you’d see in a sitcom, the bubbles were flowing out of that bird like a little kids bubble blower! Turkey dinner was cancelled that day, but a wonderful lesson on how to (really) wash a turkey was learned through hands on training . . .or should I say bathing? Funny thing though . . .the younger family member ended up being an amazing cook and became the director of food services for an entire school district for more than 30 years. Not so bad for someone who used a loufa (sp) sponge on a turkey.
O K It’s Your Turn!
Lets get this party started!