Starting Over . . . What Did I Do To Deserve This?

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You Never Appreciate What You Have Until It’s Gone!” How many times have you heard that before? Better yet, how many of you have ever taken that old cliche seriously? It’s one thing to nod your head in agreement when the truth is you really couldn’t care less and another thing to nod your head when the sad truth is you’ve actually experienced the cruel pain of loss. Me, well, I was that person somewhere in the middle.You know, the person who understands it can happen, but doesn’t think it will ever happen to them. I have always considered myself a very compassionate, loving and kind person, but sadly, I’m guilty of taking for granted all the blessings I had in my life that were both great and small. That would all change though when the world I thought I knew like a book brutally slammed its dusty cover down and forced me to rewrite my life story forever.

For almost twenty five years, I worked full time as a Letter Carrier and part time as a performer,dancer and choreographer. I also loved to write short stories and lyrics for all my original songs. To say that I was dependent upon my arms and legs for everything, including supporting my family, would be the greatest understatement ever spoken. Well, for reasons that I may never understand, the Universe decided that it didn’t like the direction my life was going in because in 2011 it abruptly and physically threw me in a direction that can only be described as the road through Hell.

Without going into unnecessary details, I can lump it all together like this; day job, vicious dog, flight of stairs, tumbling over, fractured neck, broken back. Yup, that pretty much sums it up. Well, that and; sixteen hours of surgery, 42 screws, 2 metal rods, a cage and several metal plates to repair and rebuild my brand new bionic neck. As bad as this truly was, it was about to get worse. For lack of a better word, the pain I was experiencing was horrific and I wanted to die right then and there. To me, it looked like I was hooked up to every machine the hospital owned because I had tubes and other various objects coming out of every orifice and available space on my body.

I had very little feeling in my legs and I could barely lift my arms to do anything such as feed myself, pick up a cup of coffee or hug my family. As painful as it was, I was forced to face the grim reality of my new life when I sheepishly asked my surgeon if I’d ever be able to dance again. I was hoping for a positive response, but somehow, deep down, I knew that I wasn’t going to get one. I was told that I’d be lucky if I ever walked without assistance never mind dancing or anything else that involved the use of my legs. With compassion and sincere honesty, my doctor told me that I was now completely disabled and the sooner I accepted it, the sooner I could move forward with the healing process. All this before I even reached the age of fifty, talk about lucky!

Not only could I not accept this news, but I became crazy angry like never before. I cursed the Universe, God and anyone or anything I thought had a hand in my misfortune. I also didn’t want to live anymore and prayed for death over the battles I had in front of me. I’m not exactly sure who or what changed my mind about wanting to die, but I’m almost certain it had to do with the birth of my granddaughter and how I wanted to be the greatest grandfather on Earth. I know this might sound shallow and unsympathetic, but all I could think about was; “Who wants a grandfather in a wheelchair?” Please understand, this was coming from a place of fear, anger and grief, but I soon realized that I just might be that grandfather in a wheelchair so what could I do to make myself better?

For the next three years, the hospital, especially the physical therapy department became my home away from home. During that time I had seven more extremely painful spinal surgeries, two blood clots, intense physical therapy and a staph infection that almost killed me on Halloween night. I was financially ruined, facing bankruptcy and almost lost my home three times. Let’s face it, when your yearly income gets cut by almost three fourths, it  seriously injures your bank account and wallet. But something else happened to me during that incredibly difficult, agonizing time. I became a survivor! Maybe I was given a second chance for a reason, but I wouldn’t know unless I saw this through to the end.

Physically, the healing and recovery was brutally slow. Mentally, it wasn’t much faster, but spiritually I became a completely different person. Through tears of pain and struggle, I learned to walk again. I’m able to drive now (not long distances) and I can do so many things that the doctors thought I would never do again, but I’ll still never be able to perform or dance again and that is something that I don’t think I will ever stop missing or hurting from.

I trained myself to always think positive and I began to read, watch and practice everything that had to do with the Law of Attraction. I even became certified as a Law of Attraction Practitioner and could now start assisting clients on their own journey of enlightenment. I also wrote and self-published an ebook for Kindle titled “How To Apply The Law of Attraction” available on Amazon. Did I sell many copies? Hell no, what I did do was prove I had the ability to transform  myself into whatever or whoever I wanted to be and that felt incredible.

Why stop there? I wrote a Country Christmas song (Home By Christmas Night), had it recorded and was invited to put it on a compilation album titled ‘SANTA” produced by StarTunes Records and is available on iTunes. Did I make a ton of money on that song? As soon as I stop laughing I’ll tell you! I’ve only made nineteen dollars and some change, but I must admit I did have big dreams that some big Country Star would pick it up, re-record it and make it a Christmas classic. it is nice to dream, but again, I can say . . .I DID IT!

Though I still had moments of grief and depression, for the most part I gave it everything I had to remain “Positive” and accept my new life and the restrictions that came with it.  One of the most important spiritual lesson I learned was; there are no such things as accidents and that everything happens for a reason. I have to believe that because I reconnected with a long time friend who I hadn’t seen in over twenty years. I found out that she was a Shamballa (Reik)i Master and that we shared similar beliefs. That was the beginning of my learning, studying and training in the healing arts. In March of 2014, I became a Level III Master of Shamballa (Reiki) Energies and I am so ready to heal the world!

Keep in mind, everything I accomplished was completed during the time of all my surgeries and all the goodies that came with them. It wasn’t easy and I had my fair share of moments when I wanted to give up and just quit life altogether. Unless you’ve truly experienced this physical and emotional event in your life, you can’t imagine the pain and anguish that hold you prisoner. But again . . . I Am A Survivor!

Most recently, I pointed my life in a new direction and found a writing outlet that I absolutely love . . . Writing Copy! Yes, I am a “Copywrite Specialist” I sincerely feel that this is the writing niche that I was meant to be a part of because not only do I totally enjoy writing copy for online and print sales pages, I’m very, very, good at it! I’m not bragging (well maybe a little), but hey, I think I deserve to give myself a pat on the back after all the crap I’ve had to go through. I was, well, still am, being trained and mentored in copywriting by AWAI (American Writers and Artists Inc.) a teaching and training business organization that I cannot say enough great things about.

Financially, I’m still struggling and hoping for the Universe to look down upon me and say; “You know what? I think I’ll give that guy a break, he deserves it!” Wouldn’t that be so awesome?  I am so looking forward to working with companies as a freelance copywriter, now I just have to find people and businesses looking for talented copywriters to give me a chance and hire me . . . Know anyone?  I am now a firm believer that the events in my life and everything that has happened to me over the last three years is part of some divine plan that I chose for myself before I was even born. I’m blessed that I can walk again and I’m thankful for my family and all the great things in my life. I truly and sincerely hope that the next part of my journey includes success, abundance, happiness, joy and tons of clients to write for.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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